Try not to be a dick 

Once upon a time I was a dick. I didn’t mean to be. Dick is maybe not right…. delusional is probably fairer. 7 years ago I had a baby. Baby Lewis. He was a happy little thing, ate well and slept through the night from about 6 weeks. That actually is a thing. Who knew?

I can almost guarantee a few people already hate me at this point. I don’t blame you really. I wasn’t smug but admittedly I took the credit. He was a good boy and I was clearly born to parent the shit out of life. As soon as I wrote that I realise how fucking smug that actually make me sound. Sorry! Never once did I look down my nose at people who had non sleeping, unsettled babies. I may have been delusional but I’ve never been THAT person.

I suppose I just didn’t really think in all honesty. When you have a child you know your child and their ways and quirks. Other children didn’t really come into it.

When Steve and I decided to try for a baby 6 years later I still didn’t really think. “you never get two the same”. Many an old dear told me but I didn’t really take it in. Who wants two the same anyway? I want my kids to be their own people!

Along came Joy. Our beautiful, sassy Joy. 6 weeks in and she didn’t sleep. Obviously I wasn’t worried as I knew Lewis was in the minority. Fast forward a year and I was starting to realise that sleeping all night wasn’t really Joys thing. That was quite hard for me to accept. It’s easy to think you’ve failed as a parent, especially when you’ve had a ‘textbook’ child first. 16 months in and I know I haven’t failed. Joys thriving, she’s smart, funny and she sure knows her own mind. What more could I ask for? Actually a full nights sleep would be nice but let’s not push it eh?

Joy suffered with colic and reflux. She didn’t settle without a boob in her mouth for 5 months. She was a screamer and we’ve never left her to scream. Judge away! Lewis would wimper for a few minutes at bed then drift off. Joy could scream herself into projectile vomit and that’s just not something I’m willing to let happen.

We co-sleep (mostly) and Joys a complete Mummys girl. Many a time I’ve cooked the dinner with her in the sling and she gets stroked to sleep like the Lady of the manor. That’s what works for her- and us and that’s what we’ll continue to do.

If I had a pound for every time I’ve heard the old “rod for your own back” I wouldn’t need to do a lotto. Funnily enough it mostly comes from people with no children or people who had theirs when dinosaurs still roamed the earth.

I adore both my kids. I don’t always like them but I love them immensely- and equally! They’ve taught me everything I know about parenting and now I know just how different they can be. I’m not a dick anymore and I’m certainly not delusional. You get what you’re given and you love them regardless.

Once you’re an adult no one gives a shit about how much you sleep so I’m not sure why we put so much pressure on babies.

If you’re reading this and you have a Lewis please don’t panic. This isn’t to put anyone off. They are all worth it. I promise! If anything this is to let all the parents with the non sleeping, non settling kids know that they are brilliant. It’s not a reflection on us and we can sleep when we’re dead right? 😉

Yvonne x

Dear Rose… 

Dear Rose,

I bet you have to think before you even remember me but I often think of you. I don’t think you would have forgotten me although I wouldn’t blame you if you did. You probably see people like me every day. 

You were my health visitor and I was a naive 24 year old with not an ounce of common sense. 

I planned a baby with someone I thought I knew. I really didn’t but the less said about him the better. For the sake of my son. 

So I found myself 24, pregnant and very much alone. That wasn’t my plan. I was angry at that fact for so long. I didn’t want to be that person. Who does? 

You showed me that ‘that person’ could be anyone. Most of all you believed in me when I had zero faith I could make this sorry situation work. You gave me strength and never once looked down at me- and so many others did. 

You made sure I didn’t just make the situation work I fucking rocked it and you made sure I knew I did. Little comments of praise and texts here and there. They were the small things I really needed and I could tell you meant it all.

I genuinly believe there are some truly great people in the world. I’m not talking the Kardashians and all these other ridiculous people were constantly confronted with. Proper role models who make a difference to people’s lives day after day. People like you.

I was at my lowest ebb when I had Lewis. I hid it well as I always do but you saw through that. You supported me through it all like the guardian Angel I needed and you gave me the confidence to continue alone. 

When I moved house I got a new health visitor. I felt a bit sad to be leaving you but by this point I’d met Steve (my now husband) and we were ready to plan another baby. I text you to tell you and as predicted I got the loveliest response. 

My health visitor with Joy is nice. I see so little of her but she seems lovely. I don’t really need her and I just hope she’s spending her time with the people who do need her. Like you did with me. I do hope you guys realise the impact you have on our lives. 

I don’t think I ever got to properly thank you but I hope you know how much I appreciated everything you did for me and I have no doubt that you’re still making a difference to others. You rock Rose! 

Thank you! 

Yvonne (and Lewis) x 

Joanie Clothing 

Recently I was tagged in a picture by a good friend. It was a bikini she thought I’d like. I’ve never really had myself down as a bikini kinda gal but I did like it. So I took a brave step. I bought it. 

I’m 32 and a size 16. That’s doesn’t really mean anything though with today’s mental sizing. I have some 12s and some 18s. Does anyone know what size they really are? 

I’ve been thinner. Much thinner. Also much bigger too and I have to say I was probably at my most miserable at my thinnest. I was thin but I couldn’t socialise as I’d gain weight. What a the bloody point of having a good figure when you don’t even get to showcase it? 

Anyways I’m over it. Hitting 30 was a turning point for me and I thought f*ck it! life’s too short to not buy the bikini. I have as much right to wear the bikini as anyone else and does anyone really care what I look like? Probably not. 

My body had produced two perfect babies via C section and I had my gallbladder out last year. I have stretch marks and scars but I have respect for the body I have. Its still a work in progress but that’s okay. 

I bought the bikini from Joanie and I’d never even heard of them before so was dubious. I was wrong to be. The bikini is fabulous and I feel fabulous in it. I now own another 2. Don’t tell my husband! 

For me there’s a gap in the market. I often find high street shops either too young or too old for me. I’m over bodycon but I’m not quite ready to hang up my party frocks yet. No one really wants to see me in a bodycon dress but I’m not dead yet so I may as well flaunt what I have. In a way that makes me comfortable. 

Joanie fills that gap for me. They do real clothes for Sizes 8-22 and at a really good price too. They have sexy, quirky, casual and formal and it’s now my go to website. 

The sizes are real and the fabrics are lovely so no more looking like a size 16 sausage squashed into a cheap polyester skin.

The clothes have a vintage feel but there’s both ends of the spectrum on this and if vintage isn’t for you I still think you’d be hard pushed not to find something you like. 

As I wrote this I got a text to say my next Joanie order is coming today so I’ll be sure to post lots of pictures. Again, please don’t tell my husband but if you are reading this it was all in the sale. £6 polka dot palazzo pants anyone? Yes please! 

This isn’t a sponsored post so these are 100% my views on some gorgeous clothes that I paid for. Seriously! Go see for yourself.

https://joanieclothing.com/product-category/dresses/
Yvonne x 

P.S have you ever seen anyone that happy to be in a kids paddling pool? We don’t get much sun in Scotland. Can you tell? 

We are good enough 

when you hear of postnatal depression what do you think of? For many it’s not bonding with your baby instantly after birth. For me that wasn’t the case. You see it’s different for everyone. There isn’t a right way to suffer PND and there certainly isn’t a wrong way. unfortunately you get the version you’re given.

For me I’ve been treated about a year after both my kids. Looking back it reared its head immediately but I soldiered on. I don’t know who I was trying to kid.

The stigma is still there with any mental health issues. People are frightened to speak up for fear of being judged. When you’re already feeling like you’re not good enough the last thing you need is others thinking it too.

I instantly bonded with both my children and it was love at first sight for me. weirdly the case for me- as it is for most is I love them… a bit too much.

Newborns scare me. The anxiety they give me drives me insane. I love the squishy, pink, milky bundles but what about all the other stuff they come with? For example cot death statistics, how much they should be eating, pooing and bloody peeing! Anything I can worry about I would.

When I had my first I slept with the windows locked in a first floor flat all summer. For fear someone would come and take my baby. I called my Nan once to ask her to look after the baby while I had a shower. She suggested I left him to sleep while I showered and I genuinely couldn’t believe she would suggest something so absurd.

When I had Joy, my second I stayed awake for 3 whole days. Even when she slept. For fear of something happening to her if I slept. Of course that didn’t last and I eventually passed out with exhaustion.

Second time round it’s much easier to spot though and  luckily I’m surrounded by love and support. I’m now very good at asking for help if I need it now and I’m aware of the importance of self care. We all need to look after ourselves first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

The more we talk about these issues the more we educate others. If we normalize talking about mental health then we put people at ease and eliminate ignorance.

My point? Keep talking. If unsure ask questions. Never be ashamed and make sure you have a good GP who understands what’s going on. I can’t stress that enough. These issues are often easily resolved but only once treated. Either it be with counselling, drugs or maybe both. Whatever works for you.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. We’re all guilty of it. Some days I can clean the whole house, have 2 playdates, make the dinner and do a food shop. Other days I stay in Pjs and that’s okay too. It’s about balance.

I’ll say it again. Keep talking!

I’ve posted some links below that may be helpful:

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Postnataldepression/Pages/Introduction.aspx
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Anxiety/Pages/Introduction.aspx
https://insighttimer.com/
Yvonne x

Mothering without a mother 

Recently I’ve seen an influx of Facebook posts about always loving your mother as you never get another. Even when you dont see eye to eye. This may be very true but for some sadly it isn’t this black and white. 

My Mum isn’t dead. Not my biological one anyway. My Nan raised me and she was my ‘real’ Mum and sadly she’s no longer with us. My Biological Mum isn’t part of my life however and won’t ever be. 

I won’t go into it as I have no urge to publicly slate her and have younger siblings I wouldn’t want to hurt. 

She hasn’t met Joy and hasn’t seen Lewis in years. It isn’t a fallout or an argument situation but for the sake of my mental health she will remain an outsider. I wish her well. 

Do I love her? Yes! Am I sad I don’t have a mother around? Of course! This really is the best decision all round and I’ve made peace with that. That has taken a long time but I really have made peace with it. 

That doesn’t mean I don’t get a pang of upset when I see friends Mum’s coo over their gorgeous grandchildren. Or when I’m ill and I could really use a cuddle. You’re really never too old to want your Mum at times. 

I do love it when I see my friends with good relationships with their Mums. Over the years a few of them have played a Mum role to me and that’s helped me build a picture of the type of mother I want to be. 

Having Joy was bittersweet. My Nan died when I was pregnant and to not have a mother to show of my baby too… bloody hurt. I still look at my kids and think ‘wow! I made this!’ I just wish I had my Nan here to gush to at times. 

I’m fiercely independent and this is probably why. It’s a defence mechanism. I’ve not always had the choice. I’ve just had to crack on with it. 

The one good thing to come from the situation is my relationship with my children. I’ll always put them first, do my best to never let them down and love them with every part of me. 

I have a great support network and I’m so grateful. My Auntie Helen, my siblings, my friends, my cousins, my mother in law and obviously my husband. Having a big family does have its perks- sometimes! 

I’m not angry or sad at these Facebook posts. It’s a copy and paste type thing and people are more than entitled to celebrate anyone in their life that they wish. So long as we’re mindful it isn’t the same for everyone. I hope one day my kids can celebrate me in that way. Maybe even throw in a wee afternoon tea. 

If you have your Mum in your life then give her a kiss from me. This mothering lark isn’t easy but a kiss from your child always helps. 

Yvonne x 

 

Life after death

IMG_20160202_193038Recently I’ve suffered a loss. I hate that stupid term. She’s not lost is she? she’s dead. My dearest Nana. Who raised me along with my Grandad so they were my parents.

My Grandad died almost 4 years ago and that was the first death I’d had to deal with. Quite lucky that I’d got to 26 and not had someone close die. Not so bloody lucky it was my Grandad. I didn’t deal with that very well. I didn’t really deal with it at all truth be told. I’m not the best with feelings to be honest. So I swept it under the carpet and acted like a fool mostly. Then boom. One day about 2 and a half years ago I though right. Let’s do this. I had some short term counselling. How American does that sound? No offence to any Americans mind. I was dubious but it really helped. So much so that I recommend it to anyone who mentions so much as a headache to me. It’s not for everyone but it done the trick for me. I’m not over it. Of course not but I can speak about it and be happy and also be upset like a normal person. There are so many memories I have. All good. Worth having and not sweeping under a carpet. I miss my Grandad every day. He was poorly and he was ready to go. None of us wanted him to but that wasn’t for us to decide sadly.

My Nana coped so well. She was a tough bird. A bit like myself and not the most open with feelings of sadness but she was affectionate and loving with me always. I told her everything- like everything. She wasn’t a prude. Raising me made sure had no choice and she loved a grotty conversation almost as much as she loved Jeremy Kyle. She often heard things and asked me to explain. Ever explained sexting to and 80 year old? Nice eh?

She was so full of life and she didn’t want to die. Absolutely not and I was not ready for her to go. She found out she had cancer just before my wedding and was so upset in case she ruined my big day. So selfless but she fought it off quicker than most deal with a common cold. She was really remarkable.

Recently she had been ill with some stomach issues. Nothing serious she was told but it went on too long. I was starting to panic and kept at her to get to the hospital. They did tests and tests and kept saying it would just go. I think she knew it wasn’t a bug. I did but I’m a pessimistic bugger. The next thing she was in hospital. Within 24 hours she was gone. I won’t go into the details as it’s a bit much. One day she had a bug and the next she was gone. I’d joked with her a few weeks prior that she better not dare die while I’m pregnant and she did. The cheek of it? She had a bit of a sick sense of humour, like me and our banter was something many could never understand. I didn’t want them too, it was ours.

That was 2 months ago nearly. It feels like ages ago and 5 minutes ago all at the same time. This time though I made a promise to myself. To grieve and I did, and I am. Someone and I wish I could remember who told me to “be kind to myself”. I’m was 24 weeks pregnant and the time and that made perfect sense. I took time off and by God did I need it? After my Grandad died I went right back to work and that was the worst move ever. I wasn’t doing that again. I didn’t just have myself to think about but a baby as well as a 6 year old and a husband too.

L and my Nan had a truly beautiful bond. They adored each other. She said to me just before Christmas that when she did die I’d have my own feelings to deal with and his. Imagine pointing that out eh? She was right though. I feel terrible for him. He forgets and he’s confused, but generally he’s OK.  It’s amazing how resilient kids are and he’s a happy go lucky wee soul so he content thinking she’s watching over him and goes to the cemetery to talk about what he’s been  up to that week. His attitude always helps as he’s mostly so accepting. There have been times he’s just insisted on going to see her and got angry that he can’t see her or have a two way conversation with her. I know how he feels and that’s the worst bit.

She wouldn’t want sadness or anger at all and that’s what keeps me going. I’m also mostly ok but there are the days the even getting out of bed is an issue and not just cos of the growing bump. I’m being kind to myself as advised and some days I think wow! I’ve done loads and I am supermum and others I think shit all I did was put on some clothes, but those days I’m still like “well done you!”. It’s the little things. I’m doing my best and that’s fine.

Check me? Taking loads of credit for how well I’m doing. Truth is without my friends and family I wouldn’t have at all. My husband is pretty amazing. He’s much better with words and feelings than me. We’re a bit like my Grandparents in that sense. He’s my biggest supporter and backs me up always. We really are a team and recently he’s stepped up while I’ve quite often been just useless. He’s forced me to take time, take it easy and sometimes eat cake for breakfast. He doesn’t judge at all and for all I’m shit at talking I can always talk to him and he always listens. This is more cringey than I’m used to but I couldn’t have done any of this without him. I mean just keeping on.

I’ve went off on so many tangents and what I’m really trying to say is that it does get easier. Then you have one shitty day and it feels like it doesn’t, but it does. Life goes on and I really hate that saying. So blasé and cliché and probably other words that end in é like dické. It does though whether we like it or not. I really am OK too and it’s nice to be able to say that. I’m coping and I’m looking forward to so many nice things. It’s terrible my Grandparents aren’t here but I am just so grateful for the years I did have and that will never go away.

Hopefully my Nan can tell my Grandad that I’m happy and settled. He would love that and that pleases me.

I didn’t want this to be sad and I really hope it’s not. I’m happy as I type and I’m sorry if it seems at all self pitying but I’m also not sorry. I suppose it’s just nice to write this down. Therapeutic almost (here I go again with the Americanisms).

As they say in showbiz: The show must go on.

Yvonne x

 

 

Think before you compare

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Social media is everything now isn’t it? Surely everyone knows it isn’t really life though? Or do they? I think we’re all guilty of looking at someone’s pictures on Instagram or Facebook and feeling a bit envious but we need to think about the bigger picture.

They amount of lovely pictures I share of my family having a great time is nice. It doesn’t show my son complaining about not wanting to go outside as he’d rather play xbox though. Or my pregnancy ailments making it such a struggle to even walk to the car.

We tend to paint an idealistic picture and that’s normal but I do think we need to be aware of this. The grass isn’t always greener, so water your own grass and stop worrying about other people’s. The person you may envy for always being out sipping fancy cocktails may well be envious of our family life and would do anything for a child (however whingey). You just don’t know. We all have a story and we don’t always want to tell it.

My life is far from perfect. My son misbehaves and I shout (a lot). I use so much profanity in everyday life I should have been a sailor and mother earth I am not. I’m messy and love a good drink. My husband and I argue like normal people but luckily he see I’m usually right and it’s all good (chances right?).

We post nice pictures as when we look it’s the nice things we remember. Who wants to remember the time your kid pissed everywhere? Or broke the TV with buzz lightyear? Not me, although sadly the Buzz fiasco will always haunt me. I’ve never forgiven Buzz for that. My son is now in the clear though.  Just.

The moral of the story is: Be thankful for what you have and be happy for other people. Easier said than done eh? Unfollow people you don’t like too. That’s not good for anyone.

Yvonne x

 

 

recent baby binge

How cute is next Spring/Summer range? I couldn’t resist a few of these. Having a boy I’m so used to Blue and dinosaur everything. There is so little choice for boys. So having a girl this time has been a novelty- and very expensive. It’s so hard to resist all the frilly, pink, floral things.

With such a gap I totally forget how much I need.Sleepsuits, vests, actual clothes etc. I’m not going mad with newborn as L was in it for about 2 weeks and I love them in sleepsuits all day. They are tiny for such a short time it’s just nice to let them be tiny and comfortable.

I’ve been told the new baby will be really big although I’m taking that with a pinch of salt since I was told the same with L and he was 7 4.5lbs 5 days late. She’ll be what she’ll be as I’m sure if I don’t have enough I can send my husband to the shop with a list. I’m having an elective caesarean at around 39 weeks so she will be a bit earlier than her brother.

I didn’t need any of my recent purchases, except the sleepsuits but how could I not buy them? So sweet. I love next stuff.  it’s easy to wash and dry and the sleepsuits have built in mits which are a saviour for baby who scratch themselves. £16 for 3 sleepsuits isn’t bad going at all and I found cheaper ones are a false economy as the are thin and don’t wash well at all.

My husband picked the frilly white dress surprisingly. Hes loving the idea of a Daddy’s girl so needless to say he also picked the Daddy and me sleepsuit. He does have pretty good taste- obviously as he married me.

The tops and leggings mix and match so I thought that was good value and the soft colours are just lovely. You can never have enough leggings eh? Let’s hope we get some sun so the dresses can be worn with just some frilly socks. We can dream eh?

If anyone has any tips on how much is enough please let me know… as otherwise I’ll just keep buying and will have no money for champagne after the baby is born.

Mrs S (Yvonne) x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome

Welcome and please be patient. This is a work in progress.

Hello ladies- and perhaps gents. I’m Mrs S and this is my first, no doubt poor attempt at a blog. I decided to write some of my (hormonal) ramblings as I fear I’m boring my non mumsy friends. Also the recent lack of alcohol has left me a worrying amount of free time. Once the baby comes along this will have to be rectified.

Anyway a quick introduction: I’m 30, been married almost a year. Very happily- although my husband may disagree at times.  Due baby no. 2 in 8 weeks… not that I’m counting and already have a 6 year old boy (from a previous disastrous relationship). My husband is the only father our son knows so he is Dad in everything except biology and our Son L is a happy well rounded little soul.

I’m not a mumsy mum at all really. My son isn’t perfect. I’m not perfect. We’re both dicks at times. As is my husband, but we’re only human and I can’t stand people who create the perfect persona for the purpose of social media. I swear, I get drunk- when not pregnant and I make mistakes. I’m here in support of all the other mums who can be dicks and get things wrong. While pregnant it’s pretty much going to be all pregnancy related stuff on here and as soon as the baby is born drunken ramblings will resume once again… Hopefully.

We both work full time and I don’t do well with too much time on my hands so this is an attempt to keep me busy on Mat leave. I’m a busy bee and I’m hoping  (stupidly probably) the new girl will allow me time to blog when she comes. I’m a mum but mostly I’m a woman and I like to eat, drink and do other non mum stuff. When pregnant I always find its hard to remember you were fun before as it does tend to consume your whole life. I certainly do not enjoy being pregnant. Does anyone really? I miss not being bloated and swollen and not worrying about falling over stupidly.

Slightly daunted AKA shitting myself by the prospect of a new baby as it’s been a while for me and I was alone with my son so having a helper will be odd, but nice. I’m a total control freak though so it may take some getting used to.

I use Instagram a lot so I’m creating a new profile for the purposes of this blog. please feel free to share both and any ideas, hints, tips and constructive criticisms are welcome.

Mrs S x