Introducing my Husband

I haven’t told my husband I’m writing this and he’ll most likely keel over when he sees it. I’m not usually the soppy type- unless my kids are involved but I think it’s time he got a mention.

You may know Steve as the one who doesn’t do very well at keeping on top of the recycling and as true as this is he is so much more.

I met Steve 5 years ago when I was 27. He was 37 and we met a few times before we actually spoke. I assumed he was married and I’m still not sure why. He was always a gentleman and made sure I had a seat and a drink. I’ve always been partial to a man who makes sure I have a drink.

Lewis was 2 and I had had a few causal relationships after his Dad but none of which I’d write home about. They were all pretty rocky, slightly dramatic and just as I’d decided enough was enough there was Steve.

We joke about who pursued who but none of that matters (he pursued me FYI). He asked me out for drinks and I was slightly reluctant. I’d swore off men on the Wednesday and here I was on the Sunday contemplating a date. Madness surely? My friends talked me round. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that and I went. It was lovely and we agreed to meet again. We met again the following week and then he cooked me dinner at mine the week after. I knew then he was different.

He was romantic and there we’re no games. I’d never been treated so well before and as much as it took some getting used to I really liked it. Steve saw my worth and helped me realise it.

When we got together people praised him to high heavens for ‘taking on’ my child. Steve never seen it like this. He was just grateful I’d allowed him to be part of our life and 5 years on Lewis is very much our child.

A lot has happened in the time I’ve know Steve. We’ve crammed in an engagement, moved house twice, 4 lots of major surgery, numerous new jobs, a marriage, the loss of my dear Nan and the birth of our beautiful Joy. One thing has remained consistent throughout and that’s the love we have for each other. It’s different from any other love I’ve had. It’s simple, uncomplicated and being married to Steve is easy.

It’s never boring, we argue like all couples about recycling and who’s more tired (me) but it’s not high maintenance. There’s no unnecessary drama at all and we put work into having fun.

Once you have two kids fun changes completely so instead of cocktails at the Balmoral we now listen to TTF at home and play battleships with a glass of Malbec. It’s still fun though, even when we’re exhausted and can barely get a conversation going we still have that love for each other.

Steve buys me flowers weekly. The cheap ones he knows I like best as they last longer. He runs me nice baths and makes sure I’m feeling ok. I’m rubbish at sharing feelings so it’s not easy for him at times but he always knows when I’m down and just needing a cuddle.

He’s came to accept that doing insta stories in Lidl is the norm for me and will happily take 300 pictures of me in front of a wall just so I can find 1 I like. He may roll his eyes but he does it and for that I’m very thankful.

The most important thing about Steve is he supports me. He backs me up always and supports every ridiculous idea I’ve ever had (and there’s been plenty!) He never says I told you so even though he really should at times and he always picks me up when things go wrong.

He’s the positive to my negative and it works. We bring out the best in each other and he cares for our kids better than I could have ever dreamed. Watching him grow as a Daddy has been the most beautiful transition ever. Our kids have cemented our love for each other.

When he comes in from work I still get butterflies and he still takes any opportunity for a quick grab of my arse. We still flirt and even if we’re drinking at home we make an effort to dress up. He takes longer than any man I’ve ever known to get ready but he takes pride in his appearance and always looks so handsome.

We’re a team and we make mistakes but we can admit them and learn from them. In my eyes that makes us the perfect team.

Love you DB

Yvonne x

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Who is she? 

Hi I’m Yvonne but you’d be forgiven for knowing me as Lewis’ and Joy’s mum or even Steve’s wife. I am all of those things too but firstly I’m Yvonne. I love long hot baths, reading and dancing in the living room with my husband to 90s dance. Im sarcastic to a fault, Im obsessed with beauty products and you won’t catch me wearing a mama jumper. I’m a proud mother and wife but I refuse to be defined by my children or marital status.

After Lewis (my first) I made the mistake a lot of us do. I thought becoming a mother should change me so when I the urge to skip through a meadow singing the sound of music didn’t take me I really thought I’d failed. The urge to have a social life took me and that made me feel even worse. I forced myself to baby signing, baby reflexology and fucking baby shiatsu (honestly that’s a thing ) in a desperate bid to become more like the Julie Andrews character I thought I should be.

It took time and good advice to realise that wasn’t how it had to be. Once I finally allowed myself to see that I was so relieved. Lewis was relieved too as his Mum was now back firmly in her comfort zone and he didn’t have to attend 18 ridiculous classes a week.

I think we’re all guilty of it but we need to take time to remember who we are. I love my children and I take them to classes I think will benefit them and not bore me to tears but I also have a life of my own. I existed before them and once they’ve flown the nest *sobs* I will continue to exist. I know all the nursery rhymes but also I can drink 5 Sambuca shots and recreate the whole video for single ladies- albeit badly.

I’m not offended when people introduce me as a mum or wife. I do it too. On a recent (rare) drink with some friends I introduced my friend as ‘Archies Mum’ and instandly thought shit! She’s not JUST Archies Mum. She’s Jackie. She loves make up, wine and singing Proud Mary. She’s a person too. In her own right and she deserves to be introduced as one.

So what was my point here? Don’t feel guilty for still being who you were before your children. There’s no doubt having children changes you but we are still entitled some escapism once in a while. Get drunk now and again and have sex on the kitchen floor. Whatever works for you! Never apologise for that. Remember who you are and introduce your friends by their name.

Yvonne x

Dear Rose… 

Dear Rose,

I bet you have to think before you even remember me but I often think of you. I don’t think you would have forgotten me although I wouldn’t blame you if you did. You probably see people like me every day. 

You were my health visitor and I was a naive 24 year old with not an ounce of common sense. 

I planned a baby with someone I thought I knew. I really didn’t but the less said about him the better. For the sake of my son. 

So I found myself 24, pregnant and very much alone. That wasn’t my plan. I was angry at that fact for so long. I didn’t want to be that person. Who does? 

You showed me that ‘that person’ could be anyone. Most of all you believed in me when I had zero faith I could make this sorry situation work. You gave me strength and never once looked down at me- and so many others did. 

You made sure I didn’t just make the situation work I fucking rocked it and you made sure I knew I did. Little comments of praise and texts here and there. They were the small things I really needed and I could tell you meant it all.

I genuinly believe there are some truly great people in the world. I’m not talking the Kardashians and all these other ridiculous people were constantly confronted with. Proper role models who make a difference to people’s lives day after day. People like you.

I was at my lowest ebb when I had Lewis. I hid it well as I always do but you saw through that. You supported me through it all like the guardian Angel I needed and you gave me the confidence to continue alone. 

When I moved house I got a new health visitor. I felt a bit sad to be leaving you but by this point I’d met Steve (my now husband) and we were ready to plan another baby. I text you to tell you and as predicted I got the loveliest response. 

My health visitor with Joy is nice. I see so little of her but she seems lovely. I don’t really need her and I just hope she’s spending her time with the people who do need her. Like you did with me. I do hope you guys realise the impact you have on our lives. 

I don’t think I ever got to properly thank you but I hope you know how much I appreciated everything you did for me and I have no doubt that you’re still making a difference to others. You rock Rose! 

Thank you! 

Yvonne (and Lewis) x 

Joanie Clothing 

Recently I was tagged in a picture by a good friend. It was a bikini she thought I’d like. I’ve never really had myself down as a bikini kinda gal but I did like it. So I took a brave step. I bought it. 

I’m 32 and a size 16. That’s doesn’t really mean anything though with today’s mental sizing. I have some 12s and some 18s. Does anyone know what size they really are? 

I’ve been thinner. Much thinner. Also much bigger too and I have to say I was probably at my most miserable at my thinnest. I was thin but I couldn’t socialise as I’d gain weight. What a the bloody point of having a good figure when you don’t even get to showcase it? 

Anyways I’m over it. Hitting 30 was a turning point for me and I thought f*ck it! life’s too short to not buy the bikini. I have as much right to wear the bikini as anyone else and does anyone really care what I look like? Probably not. 

My body had produced two perfect babies via C section and I had my gallbladder out last year. I have stretch marks and scars but I have respect for the body I have. Its still a work in progress but that’s okay. 

I bought the bikini from Joanie and I’d never even heard of them before so was dubious. I was wrong to be. The bikini is fabulous and I feel fabulous in it. I now own another 2. Don’t tell my husband! 

For me there’s a gap in the market. I often find high street shops either too young or too old for me. I’m over bodycon but I’m not quite ready to hang up my party frocks yet. No one really wants to see me in a bodycon dress but I’m not dead yet so I may as well flaunt what I have. In a way that makes me comfortable. 

Joanie fills that gap for me. They do real clothes for Sizes 8-22 and at a really good price too. They have sexy, quirky, casual and formal and it’s now my go to website. 

The sizes are real and the fabrics are lovely so no more looking like a size 16 sausage squashed into a cheap polyester skin.

The clothes have a vintage feel but there’s both ends of the spectrum on this and if vintage isn’t for you I still think you’d be hard pushed not to find something you like. 

As I wrote this I got a text to say my next Joanie order is coming today so I’ll be sure to post lots of pictures. Again, please don’t tell my husband but if you are reading this it was all in the sale. £6 polka dot palazzo pants anyone? Yes please! 

This isn’t a sponsored post so these are 100% my views on some gorgeous clothes that I paid for. Seriously! Go see for yourself.

https://joanieclothing.com/product-category/dresses/
Yvonne x 

P.S have you ever seen anyone that happy to be in a kids paddling pool? We don’t get much sun in Scotland. Can you tell? 

We are good enough 

when you hear of postnatal depression what do you think of? For many it’s not bonding with your baby instantly after birth. For me that wasn’t the case. You see it’s different for everyone. There isn’t a right way to suffer PND and there certainly isn’t a wrong way. unfortunately you get the version you’re given.

For me I’ve been treated about a year after both my kids. Looking back it reared its head immediately but I soldiered on. I don’t know who I was trying to kid.

The stigma is still there with any mental health issues. People are frightened to speak up for fear of being judged. When you’re already feeling like you’re not good enough the last thing you need is others thinking it too.

I instantly bonded with both my children and it was love at first sight for me. weirdly the case for me- as it is for most is I love them… a bit too much.

Newborns scare me. The anxiety they give me drives me insane. I love the squishy, pink, milky bundles but what about all the other stuff they come with? For example cot death statistics, how much they should be eating, pooing and bloody peeing! Anything I can worry about I would.

When I had my first I slept with the windows locked in a first floor flat all summer. For fear someone would come and take my baby. I called my Nan once to ask her to look after the baby while I had a shower. She suggested I left him to sleep while I showered and I genuinely couldn’t believe she would suggest something so absurd.

When I had Joy, my second I stayed awake for 3 whole days. Even when she slept. For fear of something happening to her if I slept. Of course that didn’t last and I eventually passed out with exhaustion.

Second time round it’s much easier to spot though and  luckily I’m surrounded by love and support. I’m now very good at asking for help if I need it now and I’m aware of the importance of self care. We all need to look after ourselves first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

The more we talk about these issues the more we educate others. If we normalize talking about mental health then we put people at ease and eliminate ignorance.

My point? Keep talking. If unsure ask questions. Never be ashamed and make sure you have a good GP who understands what’s going on. I can’t stress that enough. These issues are often easily resolved but only once treated. Either it be with counselling, drugs or maybe both. Whatever works for you.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. We’re all guilty of it. Some days I can clean the whole house, have 2 playdates, make the dinner and do a food shop. Other days I stay in Pjs and that’s okay too. It’s about balance.

I’ll say it again. Keep talking!

I’ve posted some links below that may be helpful:

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Postnataldepression/Pages/Introduction.aspx
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Anxiety/Pages/Introduction.aspx
https://insighttimer.com/
Yvonne x

Mothering without a mother 

Recently I’ve seen an influx of Facebook posts about always loving your mother as you never get another. Even when you dont see eye to eye. This may be very true but for some sadly it isn’t this black and white. 

My Mum isn’t dead. Not my biological one anyway. My Nan raised me and she was my ‘real’ Mum and sadly she’s no longer with us. My Biological Mum isn’t part of my life however and won’t ever be. 

I won’t go into it as I have no urge to publicly slate her and have younger siblings I wouldn’t want to hurt. 

She hasn’t met Joy and hasn’t seen Lewis in years. It isn’t a fallout or an argument situation but for the sake of my mental health she will remain an outsider. I wish her well. 

Do I love her? Yes! Am I sad I don’t have a mother around? Of course! This really is the best decision all round and I’ve made peace with that. That has taken a long time but I really have made peace with it. 

That doesn’t mean I don’t get a pang of upset when I see friends Mum’s coo over their gorgeous grandchildren. Or when I’m ill and I could really use a cuddle. You’re really never too old to want your Mum at times. 

I do love it when I see my friends with good relationships with their Mums. Over the years a few of them have played a Mum role to me and that’s helped me build a picture of the type of mother I want to be. 

Having Joy was bittersweet. My Nan died when I was pregnant and to not have a mother to show of my baby too… bloody hurt. I still look at my kids and think ‘wow! I made this!’ I just wish I had my Nan here to gush to at times. 

I’m fiercely independent and this is probably why. It’s a defence mechanism. I’ve not always had the choice. I’ve just had to crack on with it. 

The one good thing to come from the situation is my relationship with my children. I’ll always put them first, do my best to never let them down and love them with every part of me. 

I have a great support network and I’m so grateful. My Auntie Helen, my siblings, my friends, my cousins, my mother in law and obviously my husband. Having a big family does have its perks- sometimes! 

I’m not angry or sad at these Facebook posts. It’s a copy and paste type thing and people are more than entitled to celebrate anyone in their life that they wish. So long as we’re mindful it isn’t the same for everyone. I hope one day my kids can celebrate me in that way. Maybe even throw in a wee afternoon tea. 

If you have your Mum in your life then give her a kiss from me. This mothering lark isn’t easy but a kiss from your child always helps. 

Yvonne x 

 

Think before you compare

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Social media is everything now isn’t it? Surely everyone knows it isn’t really life though? Or do they? I think we’re all guilty of looking at someone’s pictures on Instagram or Facebook and feeling a bit envious but we need to think about the bigger picture.

They amount of lovely pictures I share of my family having a great time is nice. It doesn’t show my son complaining about not wanting to go outside as he’d rather play xbox though. Or my pregnancy ailments making it such a struggle to even walk to the car.

We tend to paint an idealistic picture and that’s normal but I do think we need to be aware of this. The grass isn’t always greener, so water your own grass and stop worrying about other people’s. The person you may envy for always being out sipping fancy cocktails may well be envious of our family life and would do anything for a child (however whingey). You just don’t know. We all have a story and we don’t always want to tell it.

My life is far from perfect. My son misbehaves and I shout (a lot). I use so much profanity in everyday life I should have been a sailor and mother earth I am not. I’m messy and love a good drink. My husband and I argue like normal people but luckily he see I’m usually right and it’s all good (chances right?).

We post nice pictures as when we look it’s the nice things we remember. Who wants to remember the time your kid pissed everywhere? Or broke the TV with buzz lightyear? Not me, although sadly the Buzz fiasco will always haunt me. I’ve never forgiven Buzz for that. My son is now in the clear though.  Just.

The moral of the story is: Be thankful for what you have and be happy for other people. Easier said than done eh? Unfollow people you don’t like too. That’s not good for anyone.

Yvonne x

 

 

Welcome

Welcome and please be patient. This is a work in progress.

Hello ladies- and perhaps gents. I’m Mrs S and this is my first, no doubt poor attempt at a blog. I decided to write some of my (hormonal) ramblings as I fear I’m boring my non mumsy friends. Also the recent lack of alcohol has left me a worrying amount of free time. Once the baby comes along this will have to be rectified.

Anyway a quick introduction: I’m 30, been married almost a year. Very happily- although my husband may disagree at times.  Due baby no. 2 in 8 weeks… not that I’m counting and already have a 6 year old boy (from a previous disastrous relationship). My husband is the only father our son knows so he is Dad in everything except biology and our Son L is a happy well rounded little soul.

I’m not a mumsy mum at all really. My son isn’t perfect. I’m not perfect. We’re both dicks at times. As is my husband, but we’re only human and I can’t stand people who create the perfect persona for the purpose of social media. I swear, I get drunk- when not pregnant and I make mistakes. I’m here in support of all the other mums who can be dicks and get things wrong. While pregnant it’s pretty much going to be all pregnancy related stuff on here and as soon as the baby is born drunken ramblings will resume once again… Hopefully.

We both work full time and I don’t do well with too much time on my hands so this is an attempt to keep me busy on Mat leave. I’m a busy bee and I’m hoping  (stupidly probably) the new girl will allow me time to blog when she comes. I’m a mum but mostly I’m a woman and I like to eat, drink and do other non mum stuff. When pregnant I always find its hard to remember you were fun before as it does tend to consume your whole life. I certainly do not enjoy being pregnant. Does anyone really? I miss not being bloated and swollen and not worrying about falling over stupidly.

Slightly daunted AKA shitting myself by the prospect of a new baby as it’s been a while for me and I was alone with my son so having a helper will be odd, but nice. I’m a total control freak though so it may take some getting used to.

I use Instagram a lot so I’m creating a new profile for the purposes of this blog. please feel free to share both and any ideas, hints, tips and constructive criticisms are welcome.

Mrs S x